thoughts from "the dark side" (a.k.a. Ryan)

Erin has often accused me of being the “writer” in the family. I don’t know if this is really the case, but I do love to communicate and just about any opportunity to do so I rarely pass up. So here goes my first ever “blog posting”…

In a recent phone conversation with my sister (Tamarah a.k.a. TA) we found ourselves on the topic of control. Who really has control? Sure, the Christian world view demands that we believe God is in control, yet so few live like they actually believe this. As TA and I dialogued I found myself saying to my sister that in my reality I simply don’t believe that I can control anything, so in my mind only God controls anything. I’ve learned when I make statements like this God tends to say “Ok…prove it!”

As I’m sure all of you know Erin and I have begun the official process of going into full time missionary service. The fact is we’ve been about this process for many years, but now we find that all the little steps of faith have finally culminated into this last and final step that requires quite possibly the biggest step yet. God has always been very gracious to us, and I’ve never doubted that my God will provide all our needs. Yet in some small way I have taken comfort in the fact that I was bringing home a paycheck that was used to take care of the family that God had given me. Yet when we’re talking about becoming missionaries we’re talking about relying on God and His people to literally put food on the table for my family. I find humility to never be an easy bite to swallow but the fact is the pride I used to take in “bringing home the bacon” is now gone, and once again humility is being experienced in a new way. This process is very overwhelming, but yet I know that God will provide. All the things I’ve taken for granted all of my life, things like food, shelter, healthcare, etc. are no longer things that I control but rather God does. The question I find myself asking is was it ever within my control to begin with?

Please pray for us as we take these steps of faith, and pray that we will continue to trust in God and not in our own understanding.

SNOW, SNOW, everywhere there's snow!!!

From Winter '08-'09

This year we were excited to find ourselves in the NW for the giant "Artic Blast!!" It was great we arrived up in Portland in the middle of their "big freeze," where temps didn't seem to get above freezing for two weeks.

From Winter '08-'09

And then on top of that they got over 18" of snow (I think my parent's had closer to 24") and it didn't go away for a couple of days, which is VERY unusual for the NW. This weather change gave Ryan & I a chance to show off our Colorado snow driving skills in our Subaru as we ferried people around town & enjoyed some peaceful days up at my parent's house enjoying the snow. It's amazing how in the pre-Christmas frenzy all is set aside when you can't go out & go shopping & you "have to" stay at home & just spend time with family. We enjoyed snowshoeing, sledding & "hookie-bobbing" as my Dad likes to call it. Micah & Ella play at Grandma & Grandpa's!!

From Winter '08-'09

Preparing to go snowshoeing (Micah absolutly loved it!!)

From Winter '08-'09

From Winter '08-'09

Micah tells everyone to "Hurry up!! I'm ready to go!"

From Winter '08-'09

From Winter '08-'09

Unexpected Changes

Some of you have already heard this story, but here are pictures....

From Fall '08

We recently experienced some rather unexpected changes. The Sunday after Thanksgiving we returned home to CA after 3 wonderful weeks in Portland to find a piece of paper stapled to the outside of our rental home. Much to our surprise it was a forclosure notice (apparently our landlord does not see it necessary to take our rent & pay her mortgage). We called our property manager on Monday morning & she informed us that we had two weeks to get out of our home before the house went up for auction. So I spent Monday morning driving all over the area looking at the only two rentals she had in the area. The first was great & very similar to the home we were currently renting, although it would cost us an additional $100/mo in rent. The other one was REALLY small, in a bad part of town & you could see daylight through the front door (i.e. it was EXTREALY poorly insulated) - and it was only $50 less per month than we were currently paying. We were pretty discouraged...I have a 3 1/2 yr old & a one month old & how can I move while Ryan is working full time?!!! But you know, God is good & he knows what we can handle!!! The property manager felt so bad about our situation that she contacted the owner of the nice home & was able to talk them down on their rent so that it would match what we are currently paying...praise the Lord!!!

Our new home

From Fall '08

From Fall '08

So obviously for the past two weeks we have been moving. Every evening after work Ryan & I will load our two cars full to the max with stuff & transport it over to the new home. During the day I pack things up & try to keep two small children happy. On Wednesday I thought I had hit the wall....I had moved nearly everything over & I didn't think I could unpack another box. Then my wonderful husband informed me that he was going to take the day off so that he could stay home & help me unpack the house...isn't he wonderful!!! So now I am sitting in our new home, which is closer to town but feels like it's more out in the country, with not a single box around & it actually feels like home.

It's not what I really wanted to do for two weeks before Christmas, but it's where we are. Hopefully we can stay in this home for a while. On Sunday Ryan & I decided that we were going to boycott moving & decided to drive to the next town over (45 min drive) to pick up a Christmas tree. Before all this chaos happened Ryan had intended on doing & Christmas tree & celebrating it all with Micah...but then we didn't figure it was going to work out. But by Sunday we had had enough & decided that Micah needed to understand the "Reason for the Season" more than just noticing Christmas lights on other people's homes. So now our home smells like pine & we love it!!!

Decorating the tree with Daddy

From Fall '08

Admiring their work

From Fall '08

We hope to head back up to Portland for Christmas & hopefully when we return we won't have another surprise like this :-)

p.s. I know this isn't a good picture...but before we moved here I didn't even know there was such a thing as an "albino deer" but apparently we have one that lives in the neighborhood & was on our property yesterday

From Fall '08

Thanksgiving

Well we all knew that our time in Portland had to draw to an end...and what a great way to celebrate time with a few Thanksgiving Feasts (two to be exact). It was wonderful to catch up with friends and family, enjoy our old "haunts" in Portland & just relax. It's shocking how much Abby has grown in 3 short weeks. She is still a very calm baby & Micah continues to get better at being gentle with her. We look forward to returning to Portland for Christmas.


The whole Fast Family at Thanksgiving

Maternity Leave Done Right

Well, today was Ryan's last day of matenity leave :-( Just like with Micah, we decided to postpone Ryan's maternity leave until Abby could travel. So this time we waited until she was two weeks old & traveled up to Portland. We have been up here for the last two weeks absolutly loving it!!! We had the opportunity to rest, reconnect with friends and share with many about where the Lord is leading us in our ministry with Teen Missions. While we were here has had a wonderful support network from out family who offered to hold the baby & give Micah a little TLC when he needed us. Much more importantly we were able to spend some significant time as a family!! Ryan was able to take Micah to the Zoo & we went as a "4-some" to the Children's Museum. Today Ryan returned to Hayfork to work the first three days of this week, then he'll come back up to celebrate Thanksgiving with our Portland/Vancouver family. We are going to be really sad to leave after such a wonderful vacation/Materntiy leave, but I know Micah & I will definatly be counting the days until Christmas :-)

Abby Meets Great-Grandma


Day at the Children's Museum


"Open Wide Daddy!"


3 yr old's facepainting....scary!!!





"Look at me!!! I'm Daddy!"

Day 4 and counting....

I am loving having a baby in the house again. It has been fun to watch her & snuggle with her. Tonight we had to take some pictures, but it's funny 'cause I think all baby photos look the same...but I tried. Hope you enjoy these new photos.

My babies...


Big Brother




Abby with her "man face" on


the "little angel"

She's here!!

Ryan and I are very excited to announce the arrival of the newest member of our family...Abigail Elizabeth!

So here's the long story....

On Friday morning at about 1am I woke up with contractions. I didn't think much of it, because I have been having a lot of "false" labor during the last couple weeks & it has been keeping me up for hours on end for the past couple weeks. By 3:30am I realized that it wasn't going away & was actually getting stronger. So I woke Ryan up & we began to get ready to at least head down the hill & get things checked out. Of course, we really weren't ready to go because she wasn't due until November 10th, which is 2 1/2 weeks away! So by 7am we had dropped Micah off at the Pastor's house & we headed down the hill to the hospital (which is an hour & a half away). Of course, through the drive & our initial arrival at the hospital I noticed that my contractions were disappearing & it looked like it really was false labor, but we had driven that far so we figured we'd better check it out. After about 2 hrs of monitors with only about 3-4 contractions/hr Ryan & I were convinced that we were going to be sent home. To our surprise the nurse came in to check me after two hours & said that I had progressed from 4cm to 6cm!! What!! How could that be the case? The next thing I know the Dr. on call is walking in the room offering to break my water...I wasn't too sure if I was ready for all...I still have another 2 1/2 weeks!!! But being that this was a small hospital and there was only one OB on call for the entire maternity ward, and it was a busy day (they delivered 8 babies that day!) I knew I was going to get to wait. So about 4 hrs later (3pm) the Dr. decided to break my water & things took a dramatic turn. I began to have INTENSE contractions (much more than I ever had with Micah) and they quickly progressed to 1-2 minutes apart. After quickly getting my Epidural (man, I LOVE those things!!!) we were off to the races!!! I began pushing at 5:10pm & we had our little girl in our hands by 5:36pm. This was a VERY different labor than Micah's. With Micah I never had very strong or intense contractions before my Epidural & I pushed for over 2 1/2 hours. I expected to endure the same this time around, but it was quite different.

Abby is a beautiful baby girl, with deep blue eyes & a little bit of brown hair on top. We aren't too sure what color her hair will eventually be because she has VERY light eyebrows & eyelashes...maybe a redhead?!! We stayed in the hospital for only 24 hrs & everything checked out fine, so I was eager to return home & introduce Micah to his new baby sister. Micah is actually doing really well with her & we continue to remind him to be gentle with her. She is a VERY quite baby & sleeps a lot & has to be reminded to eat...but I'm ok with that.

I am blessed to have my parents here & hope to send Micah home with them for a week before we take our "big" trip up to Portland to show Abby off. I hope all of you get a chance to meet her soon also!!!